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What is wrong with me!?


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#1 Guest_Ellivort_*

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 08:40 AM



I know I'm not the only working mom in the world. I'm not even the only working mom who has a child under 2. I'm not even the only working person, parent or not, who hates their job. So why is everyday a struggle.

Every morning I wake up with a pit in my stomach knowing the the time I have with me DD is so limited. There are tears EVERY single day at some point, or several points. Before work, at work, after work. I simply cannot reconcile myself to being back to work. It's been almost a month since I went back and I am still struggling. My DD has adjusted. DH has adjusted t the new routing. My mom has adjusted to her role as the care provider. Everyone is adjusting except for me and I can't shake.
I've never been much of a whiner/complainer. I generally can just suck it up and keep on trucking, but not this time.

It is starting to impact my work as I've already taken 4 personal days in the last month, which is completely unacceptable. I'm lucky that it hasn't impacted us too hard financially, but it is not in any way acceptable and I've been feeling tremendous guilt. I'm supposed to be someones mother, I need to go to work each and everyday. Everyone else does!

Did anyone else have a complete and total mental meltdown when they went back to work? How did you deal?

As for the job, I am going back to school for a new career, but for now i am stuck with it (altho I am looking daily for something else)

Anything anyone can offer me, support, advice, experience would be helpful. I am not feeling or behaving normally and I simply can't take feeling this way anymore. It's impacting my whole life. When i'm not at work, i'm frustrated and upset about having to go back, or i'm making cracks apologizing for being an absentee mom , so it's always there. When I'm at work I'm 30 seconds away from a meltdown if anything goes awry. When I get home, meltdown.

This house cannot afford a Mommy meltdown.

#2 Guest_busymama_*

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 08:49 AM

Sending some hugs your way!

I think all the feeling that you are having are completely natural. Your mothering instincts are natural & normal. I can completely relate.

Is going back to work right now a financial necessity for you? Have you considered staying home longer? If that is something you really want, maybe there is a way to make it happen. Sometimes there can be other ways to save (ie: selling a second vehicle) to make this a reality for you.

But, I understand that for some people this just isn't possible. What about working part time?

In any case, I can understand how you are feeling. If working is necessary for your family right now, rest in the knowledge that you are doing the very best for your baby right now. I hope that things get easier soon.

#3 Guest_Ellivort_*

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 10:25 AM

QUOTE(busymama @ May 3 2010, 09:49 AM) View Post
Sending some hugs your way!

I think all the feeling that you are having are completely natural. Your mothering instincts are natural & normal. I can completely relate.

Is going back to work right now a financial necessity for you? Have you considered staying home longer? If that is something you really want, maybe there is a way to make it happen. Sometimes there can be other ways to save (ie: selling a second vehicle) to make this a reality for you.

But, I understand that for some people this just isn't possible. What about working part time?

In any case, I can understand how you are feeling. If working is necessary for your family right now, rest in the knowledge that you are doing the very best for your baby right now. I hope that things get easier soon.



Thanks for your reply. I've tried to think of anything and everything to stay home. Financially with my EI done after mat leave, working for me is a financial necessity as I am the main breadwinner until my husband gets papers to work here in Canada.

I'm still working on my employer trying to see if a part-time situation can be worked out.

#4 Keegsmama

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 10:31 AM

Its where you are working
I know how you feel
I was the same way
I just started working again and I love it
Its so much fun. I'm tired yes but I feel so awesome when I get home
I'm sorry
Hugs mama

#5 tabbs

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 01:35 PM

You need to find a reason to wake up in the morning. Even if it is small.

#6 Guest_megsmom_*

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Posted 03 May 2010 - 03:12 PM

Were you/are you breastfeeding? Because if you are, hormones would be the culprit. I could have written your post both times I returned to work after maternity leave.
If breastfeeding hormones aren't the cause, check into PPD. As I understand, it doesn't necessarily kick in right away for every woman.
I was devastated when I returned to work, especially the first time. I cried every day during my 35-40 minute commute. I would go into the washroom to do some deep breathing to try to get my emotions under control. I was angry at DH a lot because, in my depressed mind, it was his fault I had to go back to work because he doesn't make enough money. I missed all the mommy friends I had made during my mat leave, most of whom got to remain SAHM's. Leaving my baby, going to a job I hated, missing my mommy friends and missing out on most of the play dates was traumatic for me. Luckily, some of those SAHM's were flexible enough to schedule playdates that Megan and I could attend. And, the hormones settled down with the help of fertility tea. And the fertility tea resulted in a new pregnancy 4 months after my return. That light at the end of the tunnel (another mat leave) saved me! I don't recommend that as a solution though. smile.gif I do, however, recommend trying to fit playdates into your schedule. Also, (and many may gasp at this) do only the bare minimum of housework for a while so you can just enjoy baby when you are home. Dishes will wait, laundry can be put away later. Enjoy your baby while she is still a baby and toddler!