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Custody of your kids...


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#1 DivineMrsM

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 01:22 PM

Who do you have appointed to take custody of your kids if you and your spouse die? How do you go about making that official? Just put it in your will? Do you have to ask the person first? lol

We haven't done this yet. Awful, I know. But we don't want to offend anyone by not asking THEM. So I was hoping I can just put it in my will and keep it a secret. Or just ask the person in secret, would likely be better, eh. LOL At least let them be a bit prepared.

#2 vals

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 01:27 PM

You need a notarized document with two witnesses. It does not have to be drawn up by a lawyer, but should be specific. dd goes first to my sister/brother-in-law and if they cannot for what ever reason care for her or take her then she goes to my sister. We did this about a month after dd was born. I can look for mine and send you a copy to see what it looks like.

#3 Kris

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 01:59 PM

Dont feel bad Dana we are in the same situation. My family is here and Johns is in Saskatchewan. I feel bad his mom does not get to see her granddaughter very often. If I ask my parents to take them than she misses out. I f I ask her to take them than I am taking the kids away from the meme and pepe they have know all their lives. I cant separate them either that is just awful! My brothers are too young and my best friend already has 2 little boys of her own.

#4 justsamma

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:04 PM

joy & i decided long ago, that if it were to come up our kiddos would go to my oldest cousin & his wife.

#5 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:05 PM

ours is in our will. She goes to Nicks cousins/God parents. If they cannot then she will go to my Uncle and Aunt. My parents can have visitations/sleep overs but they will NOT raise my child.

#6 scrappy survivor

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:07 PM

MY sister gets them! We asked her. If she is unable we ahve good friends who will be getting them & we asked them as well. We also ahve a different executor themw ho receives them & she is also the person to make medical decisions for us.

#7 jag

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:29 PM

I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!

#8 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:34 PM

I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL

#9 sherri

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:37 PM


I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL



sometimes they can
there was just a case in the states that the judge went against the womans will and the judge decided how the money etc was distributed
i was shocked cause i thought that was why you made a will in the first place

#10 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:42 PM



I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL



sometimes they can
there was just a case in the states that the judge went against the womans will and the judge decided how the money etc was distributed
i was shocked cause i thought that was why you made a will in the first place


our BIL tried and our lawyer and his lawyer told him not to waste his time and money. Might be different in the states.

#11 sherri

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:49 PM




I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL



sometimes they can
there was just a case in the states that the judge went against the womans will and the judge decided how the money etc was distributed
i was shocked cause i thought that was why you made a will in the first place


our BIL tried and our lawyer and his lawyer told him not to waste his time and money. Might be different in the states.



maybe but i find it ridiculous that a judge can think he is the best one to decide when he knows nothing about anyone involved

#12 moonlightblonde

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:50 PM

Depending on how far in to the future we die would determine this.
My sister would be the one getting her for the most part but she would have visitations frequently with grandma. My sister and mil get along great and they would be willing to work something out. My sister is only 19 right now and in University so it would obviously be different if she were out of school with her own place to live, etc.

#13 vals

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 02:52 PM

A judge can overturn a guardianship or in-trust account if they feel it is not in the best interest of the child/person or if they feel there was some sort of previous issue that was not properly taken care of before the document was filled.

You have be VERY specific especially when you have family issues that could cause future debate.

I was pretty clear about why we chose who we did and it did piss off my mother who threatened she would go to court for custody so I had to have a separate document outlining familial issues and why she could not have custody.

I def, thinks its something that should be discussed with the chosen guardian and that they should get a copy of any documents that support your choice.

#14 Trea

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 04:15 PM

I asked. It is my ex's sis and BIL. Their parenting style is closest to what T would need and they are younger than my ex. We actually told everyone else that we had thought of how we came to the decision. They understood and agreed.

If someone would be mad about not being named custodian I would not want them as such! There is the first thing I'd tell them too!

#15 kears

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 04:31 PM

we are terrible as nothing has been documented yet. we still haven't even fully agreed on who gets them. since there are 3, it makes things difficult. We have a large will, so the kids would be covered, but raising 3 is a HUGE commitment.

My dh wants his brother and wife (they are awesome people, but are about to retire, so I don't believe that their age is appropriate). My sister and her dh are only 2 years older than me and they would provide a similar upbringing. I do believe that we will be naming them when we make a will, but not certain. We have spoken with all parties and all would be willing to step up.

#16 murkywaters

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Posted 02 February 2011 - 04:32 PM

I have it in my will. DH doesn't have one but obviously if he kicks off they'll default to me LOL

#17 cbarker78

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 01:10 PM

we had started to draw up our wills - that was actually the easy part because everything goes to the surviving spouse, or into a trust to be split between the four girls.... but when it came to the part to make the decision about who to raise our kids - I couldn't do it...

since then, I've spoke to my sister (who never will hve kids), and she reluctlantly agreed... but I'm not 100% sold on that... she'd be my first choice - but she's always the "cool aunt" and not "mom-material" (not in a bad, or derogatory way....) I'd like to name my mom, but (knock wood) I hope to out live her...

My step-daughters obviously would go to their mom...

#18 crayons

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 01:18 PM

we did it with our will, and my parents would get our kids, but we decided this because my children would accumulate a large sum of money in life insurance. We know my parents would make sure that they would take care of the money and not let the kids spend it. Otherwise I would pick my sisters, way more responsible than anyone on dh's side, heck everyone on his side is declaring banckrupcy or borrowing money from someone, def. not someone I would want taking care of the kids.
Now I swear I heard if you didn't have any guardianship that the fathers brother would automatically get the kids (when dh found this out, we went and made sure this was never ever going to happen) not sure if this is accurate but something to think about.

#19 sherri

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 01:51 PM

Now I swear I heard if you didn't have any guardianship that the fathers brother would automatically get the kids not sure if this is accurate but something to think about.



that makes no sense at all

#20 jag

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 02:04 PM





I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL


sometimes they can
there was just a case in the states that the judge went against the womans will and the judge decided how the money etc was distributed
i was shocked cause i thought that was why you made a will in the first place


our BIL tried and our lawyer and his lawyer told him not to waste his time and money. Might be different in the states.



maybe but i find it ridiculous that a judge can think he is the best one to decide when he knows nothing about anyone involved

Just stating what 2 lawyers told us and one is now a judge here in Windsor. It is possible that the lawyers in that case were telling him that in HIS case it was not worth the time and cost. I don't know just relaying what was told to me. We left the girls to my brother as the would be awesome with the kids and live with in an hour of all the grandparents so they would still be able to see them easily. But I can see my one MIL trying as she can be pretty controlling about certain things and I could see this being an issue.

#21 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 02:24 PM






I think it would be a good thing to ask the people cause what if they just didn't feel comfortable doing it. We asked my brother and sister-in-law. They weren't able to have kids of their own but are so awesome with kids it just seemed to a natural fit. Then I found out that even though I am "leaving them" to my brother and his wife that anyone can sue for custody 6 months or 1 year later! That bothers me. But what can I do--I will be dead! Just hope it doesn't come to that!


if it's in your will nobody can dispute that. We just went through it with my FIL


sometimes they can
there was just a case in the states that the judge went against the womans will and the judge decided how the money etc was distributed
i was shocked cause i thought that was why you made a will in the first place


our BIL tried and our lawyer and his lawyer told him not to waste his time and money. Might be different in the states.



maybe but i find it ridiculous that a judge can think he is the best one to decide when he knows nothing about anyone involved

Just stating what 2 lawyers told us and one is now a judge here in Windsor. It is possible that the lawyers in that case were telling him that in HIS case it was not worth the time and cost. I don't know just relaying what was told to me. We left the girls to my brother as the would be awesome with the kids and live with in an hour of all the grandparents so they would still be able to see them easily. But I can see my one MIL trying as she can be pretty controlling about certain things and I could see this being an issue.


oh I know my mom is going to throw a shit fit. She's already told me that if I were to die she'd sue my husband for custody. I told DH's cousin (she's been like a mom to him since his mom passed) that I didn't care if she had to retire and DH and DD moved in with her and her family, she is to make certain that does NOT happen. We are making sure we clearly spell out who she is to to go so this does not happen

#22 scrappy survivor

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 04:23 PM

we did it with our will, and my parents would get our kids, but we decided this because my children would accumulate a large sum of money in life insurance. We know my parents would make sure that they would take care of the money and not let the kids spend it. Otherwise I would pick my sisters, way more responsible than anyone on dh's side, heck everyone on his side is declaring banckrupcy or borrowing money from someone, def. not someone I would want taking care of the kids.
Now I swear I heard if you didn't have any guardianship that the fathers brother would automatically get the kids (when dh found this out, we went and made sure this was never ever going to happen) not sure if this is accurate but something to think about.


Declaring bankruptcy does not come even close to making you unfit to care for children & it would not factor into my decision. For one you can leave someone else in control of the $$ which is what is actually recommended anyway. I seriously don't see how bankruptcy makes a difference unless there are other issues & they are all around irresponsible which if that is the case then say that don't say because of bankruptcy.

#23 jenny

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 05:49 PM

I haven't read all the replies.

When I was having life changing surgery 1.5 years ago I was convinced I was gonna die. DH and I talked and decided his sister would be best to leave the kids with IF anything happened to us. We called her and explained what WE WANTED. We asked her view on this and if she would accept before legalizing it. She did! So upon her agreement, we finalized our will. Well I should say my will...DH still has to make his. But all in all...we made sure it was ok with the one who we wanted to have our children just in case.

#24 JavaBean

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Posted 03 February 2011 - 07:14 PM

We've actually separated our children and the money. We have a special couple that our children will go to and someone else to oversee and dispense the money according to a schedule that we set up. According to our lawyer, this can help curb issues with other family members. We agreed that it was a great idea!