I'm one of THOSE women!
Posted 10 February 2011 - 11:30 PM
I am one of those women that would be loss and clueless if GOD FORBID something happened to my husband. I am totally dependent on him. My family is miles away and even then, I could not count on them in a time of crisis.
I've recently voiced my thoughts and fears to dh and he thinks I'm over reacting "nothing is going to happen to me so it doesn't matter". I know our debts are high because he is as he says "embarrassed" to show me. We have a great relationship and he is not controlling, I'VE LET THIS HAPPEN OVER THE YEARS. I'm hoping to take some control into my life in hopes of calming some of my "what if" anxieties.
What do I do?? What do I need to know! How do I go about to not be 100% dependent on him? I'm old fashioned and I've always liked letting my man take care of me but I'm realizing now that I've done myself more harm then good. Is it better to get a low paying job at a fast food joint now or go back to school part time for years so I can eventually get a better job to support myself and kids if ever need be?? I'M LOST
Posted 11 February 2011 - 09:46 AM
Posted 11 February 2011 - 09:49 AM
Posted 11 February 2011 - 09:51 AM
A few years back when all the bills were coming out of DH's account, I came to the same realization - I knew about some of our financials, but in the event of an extreme emergency, there was a lot I wouldn't have a clue about. As someone who thinks of herself as a "strong, modern woman" I did not like that at all!!
I told DH that he has to either (a) give me all the account numbers and passwords or (b) email me monthly statements. He thought I was off my rocker, but I stuck to my guns. When he realized I was serious (silly boy!) we finally sat down and wrote out everything - all account numbers and relevant info, and left a copy in the little safe we bought years back. Every so often we pull out the list and make updates as needed.... On that list, we included other info such as our driver's lic #'s, social insurance numbers, life insurance policy numbers & contact info, account numbers for gas & hydro, etc.... so that if the worst case scenario happened to either of us, we could access that information on a moment's notice.
We keep a shared spreadsheet on the computer, that either one of us can access, that keeps a running tally of money coming in, and money going out so at a glance, if cash is needed for something, I can tell if there will be enough to cover that need, plus upcoming payments....
Be firm with your DH that you need to have this information and you will not settle for NO!! Get him to realize that it's not the "amount" of debt that is important in this scenario, it's knowing what it is, and where it's at that is more important.
Use the "you get hit by a bus tomorrow" to try to get him to realize that this information must be common knowledge between the two of you.... you're a couple, a team, and you both need to be on board....
... and good luck!!
Posted 11 February 2011 - 10:06 AM
Posted 11 February 2011 - 10:30 AM
Posted 11 February 2011 - 06:37 PM
Posted 12 February 2011 - 11:55 AM
Posted 12 February 2011 - 12:01 PM
Posted 12 February 2011 - 02:48 PM
Posted 14 February 2011 - 03:25 PM
Also get a calendar and write down when bills are due and how much they are...you can keep this in with filing cabinet with everything else or out in the open someplace you and he can see. You can also write down when policies are up for renewal...and when the paper work comes in ...you and him go over it. If you are worried about people seeing your business...then colour code things...blue for gas, red for credit card...and make a mark on the calender, that way you know something is due and you can go to the right file and pull it out a see what it is. I have a calender by my computer and I write down what bills are due when and how much...and I check them off when paid.
Make sure you are included on all the accounts...have him set them up so you can see them anytime you want to, have him go over them with you as well.
You took the first step..you realized that you havent been paying attention so now you need too. One of the biggest things is tooo.....Open the mail when it comes...just dont hand it over. Add any important dates into your calender.
I learned that both parties need to be informed as to what the bills and important things are.... one person can be responsible for making sure they get paid...but the other person should be aware of them as well...that way if one person ever gets sick or busy with something the other person can step in if needed. It also makes it easier to save money as well...you can both see that x is due in two weeks...so yes we can go out to dinner or no we cant because x.y.z are due this week..... that way no one looks like the bad guy for not letting the other person spend money.
Posted 14 February 2011 - 07:58 PM