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do you every feel snubbed?


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#1 TM3

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:11 AM

do you ever feel bad about being a SHM when talking in a large group, if there all working parents. I get the "oh you dont work?" lol ya ok.. i don't work lol hold on let me get my bon bons... lmao I am vary proud of whet i do and I am trying to continuously get better at what I do. so I feel i learn alot. what about you? do you have a response for ppl that say things like that?

#2 bcnap

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:51 AM

NO, but I work full time and I feel the same way about having to leave my kids everyday...( i feel i get snubbed in a different way i guess)
Seriously contemplating "retiring" this summer... we have talked about it, and I might try, or at least drop down to part time.. very part time

#3 murkywaters

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:20 AM

OMG yes!!!!!!!! They also just asume youre some sort of uneducated morron too!!!! Dont even get me started on what someone actually said to my face one time!!!
It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.

#4 TM3

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:39 AM

I feel for moms there is no winning! you get snubbed if you leave your kids to work and you get snubbed if you stay at home. bolth in different ways but boy does it bug me. I feel all moms are equal and just making choices for there families and its hard enough being a mom we dont need extra guilt! just drives me crazy to hear "Oh you dont work" or "Oh you just stay at home" no not JUST I am responsible for 3 humen beings and a house. I think thats pritty important!

#5 Ellivort

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 10:09 AM

i think you're right Amber. SAHM often are pre-judged as lazy or unintelligent, which is ofc totally not the case and then often times moms who work out of the home and have their kids in child care are judged for letting "someone else raise" their kids. It's annoying that people feel the need to judge, but there really isn't a way to win unless you work midnights out of the home while your children sleep and never sleep ever, therefore you can work, never miss a minute of your children's day and still maintain the house while bringing in an additional income. Sounds easy enough, right? /insert eyerolling here :p

#6 Lilacmom

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 10:12 AM

I felt that way back in 95 when we adopted B. My life before her was work work work and i loved it. I was never without a job. After adopting her and deciding to be a SAHM full-time, my working friends soon left me. I still get that feeling, even though i'm looking for work and can't get hired now that i've been out of work too long. I'm retired and hating it.

#7 murkywaters

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 10:14 AM

just drives me crazy to hear "Oh you dont work" or "Oh you just stay at home" no not JUST I am responsible for 3 humen beings and a house. I think thats pritty important!

And to add to this you are responsible for all that with 0 help. So to go out and get a babysitter it's HARD! There generally is NO babysitter! To get one you have to jump through hoops then put up with the guilt trips you get put on by everyone INCLUDING yourself! If things arent perfect then who's to blame?? YOU period. For everything!!

#8 Kris

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 10:16 AM

Got it all the time. I agree it is a no win situation either you are apparently lazy for staying at home or you are neglecting your children for working.

#9 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 05:16 PM

It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.


I disagree. I'd give anything to be a SAHM. I do not find working easy at all. I find it exhausting and very difficult to spend time with my family.

#10 lissada

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 05:31 PM

I feel for moms there is no winning! you get snubbed if you leave your kids to work and you get snubbed if you stay at home. bolth in different ways but boy does it bug me. I feel all moms are equal and just making choices for there families and its hard enough being a mom we dont need extra guilt! just drives me crazy to hear "Oh you dont work" or "Oh you just stay at home" no not JUST I am responsible for 3 humen beings and a house. I think thats pritty important!


Maybe you need to have a fourth ;) As a sahm to 4 kids I always get a look of sympathy and everyone totally understands why I would choose to stay home. Maybe things will change next year once 3 out of the 4 will be in school but thankfully I have never run into this but if I did I am pretty sure they would not be walking away without an earful! lol

#11 murkywaters

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 05:53 PM


It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.


I disagree. I'd give anything to be a SAHM. I do not find working easy at all. I find it exhausting and very difficult to spend time with my family.

But since you arent then how can you compair? Maternity doesnt count you know it will end its a different feeling and you still have the knowledge that you are bringing in money trough ei

#12 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 06:56 PM



It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.


I disagree. I'd give anything to be a SAHM. I do not find working easy at all. I find it exhausting and very difficult to spend time with my family.

But since you arent then how can you compair? Maternity doesnt count you know it will end its a different feeling and you still have the knowledge that you are bringing in money trough ei


Sure I can. Being home with my daughter for 16 months made me a sahm. Just because you get maternity benefits doesn't mean you aren't a sahm. Not working, is not working. By your classification noone is a sahm because everyone gets money from the government.

#13 murkywaters

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 07:14 PM




It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.


I disagree. I'd give anything to be a SAHM. I do not find working easy at all. I find it exhausting and very difficult to spend time with my family.

But since you arent then how can you compair? Maternity doesnt count you know it will end its a different feeling and you still have the knowledge that you are bringing in money trough ei


Sure I can. Being home with my daughter for 16 months made me a sahm. Just because you get maternity benefits doesn't mean you aren't a sahm. Not working, is not working. By your classification noone is a sahm because everyone gets money from the government.

I dont get 75% of my wage though. I get crapped on for not contributing. I get crapped on for being lazy. I get crapped on for not having a job. You never didnt have a job. You could tell them that you were going back to work on X day. I get asked if i'll ever go back to work whenever the topic comes up. When you say youre on maternaty you get a different look then when you say you do not work. You get viewed as someone just taking the time off because you just had a baby how wonderful that you get to do that. I get viewed as a lazy money sucking waste of a human and why dont you work since other people have no problem raising kids and going to work.
If you havent been there you cant understand. Just like your situation people cant understand that because they have not been there. But like everything even though people dont understand doesnt make them judge any less does it?

#14 It'sMe

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:08 PM

i get it BIG time, especially because in T.O. most families are dual income and a pretty much all of our friends in our circle are. there are things i do to contribute (ie. home childcare) but obviously not as much monetarily as i would make if i worked outside the home...that said, i also don't have the $2000ish per month day care bill to go along with it. i know a lot of people look down on me for it and truth be told, it really bugs me sometimes but at the end of the day this is what works for me and my family right now.

#15 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:17 PM





It is SO much easier to go to work even for a few hours!! And yes i can say that because i can compare the two.


I disagree. I'd give anything to be a SAHM. I do not find working easy at all. I find it exhausting and very difficult to spend time with my family.

But since you arent then how can you compair? Maternity doesnt count you know it will end its a different feeling and you still have the knowledge that you are bringing in money trough ei


Sure I can. Being home with my daughter for 16 months made me a sahm. Just because you get maternity benefits doesn't mean you aren't a sahm. Not working, is not working. By your classification noone is a sahm because everyone gets money from the government.

I dont get 75% of my wage though. I get crapped on for not contributing. I get crapped on for being lazy. I get crapped on for not having a job. You never didnt have a job. You could tell them that you were going back to work on X day. I get asked if i'll ever go back to work whenever the topic comes up. When you say youre on maternaty you get a different look then when you say you do not work. You get viewed as someone just taking the time off because you just had a baby how wonderful that you get to do that. I get viewed as a lazy money sucking waste of a human and why dont you work since other people have no problem raising kids and going to work.
If you havent been there you cant understand. Just like your situation people cant understand that because they have not been there. But like everything even though people dont understand doesnt make them judge any less does it?


I didn't get 75% either. I got 50%. I didn't have a return date, because I haddn't planned on returning. I gave up my position but my boss held my job "just in case" which meant that I also held my seniority. It was a good thing she did too, because I had to go back in October when my hubby got laid off for a bit. So he was a sahd for a couple of months while I worked 55-60 hrs a week. I was happy to be back at first, but quickly resented every second I spent at work. I certainly don't judge sahm's... jealous of them? you betcha! but not judgemental. Just wishing I could be in their shoes. I never found that I was looked down on when I stayed home. People may have, but just didn't say it to my face lol. I found it more the other way around, I got many comments when I returned to work - as if it wasn't hard enough. I had some stranger in the line up of the bank tell me what a lousy wife I was because I dared to leave my husband to take care of our child after he worked hard all day while I enjoyed myself at work. LOL I just find that comments and judemental attitudes stems from complete ignorance and I try really hard to ignore/brush them off.

#16 JavaBean

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:43 PM

Wow! I feel fortunate to run with the circles that I do. I've been on both sides of the fence and have only ever been lovingly supported in both places.

#17 Jen K

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 08:48 PM

I have had those looks before when people found out I stay at home..but for the most part, people are supportive.. there are always going to be inconsiderate people who speak before they think, but oh well, what can you do!

Truth is, my social circle always seems to revolve around where my life is at that particular time.. High school it was high school friends, then when I started having kids, it was people with kids, then it became friends with the other parents in the kids activities, it was work friends, then once I stayed home again, I found myself back with other people with kids..

So while I was working and hanging with work friends, no one seemed to judge, because we were all in the same boat.

#18 terbear

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:18 PM

Wow! I feel fortunate to run with the circles that I do. I've been on both sides of the fence and have only ever been lovingly supported in both places.


same here!

#19 Tired Mom

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:19 PM

No, I don't feel snubbed about that. I feel snubbed by prospective employers about it though. And I am usually jealous of those on the other side from me. The grass is always greener.

#20 DivineMrsM

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Posted 26 February 2011 - 09:23 PM

No, I don't feel snubbed about that. I feel snubbed by prospective employers about it though. And I am usually jealous of those on the other side from me. The grass is always greener.



OMG me too. Going on interviews after being off work for the past 2 years, I definitely get the looks. Jerks.

#21 murkywaters

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Posted 27 February 2011 - 02:00 PM

Wow! I feel fortunate to run with the circles that I do. I've been on both sides of the fence and have only ever been lovingly supported in both places.

that's very lucky. You must surround yourself with wonderful people who truly care about you :)

#22 elainesj

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Posted 01 March 2011 - 05:54 PM

I tend to live in a happy cloud and am pretty oblivious t these kinds of things. So no, when I was a SAHM, I never felt snubbed for staying home. (Although my MIL DID once spend a half hour telling me about my wonderful SIL who worked 3 jobs when her kids were little LOL!!)

and I've never felt snubbed beng a working mom either.

Both have their challenges and their benefits.

E

#23 lissada

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Posted 01 March 2011 - 05:58 PM


Wow! I feel fortunate to run with the circles that I do. I've been on both sides of the fence and have only ever been lovingly supported in both places.

that's very lucky. You must surround yourself with wonderful people who truly care about you :)


She sure does :biggrin

#24 LoveMyKids2

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Posted 01 March 2011 - 08:26 PM

I disagree that going to work is easier than staying home. I stayed home for 4 years. My son is 5, daughter is 3 and I am 8 1/2 months pregnant. I work full time(50+ hours a week)I start at 6am. I also pick the kids up after school, cook dinner every night, do the laundry, clean the house, grocery shopping, homework with my son, extra curicular activities (hockey and gymnastics) which I have never missed one practice, and as much family time as I can fit in. I have a very helpful husband as well that never complains and always helps when needed. I have a lot of respect for SAHM and for working moms as I have been on both ends, but I would never say one is easier then the other.

#25 vals

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Posted 08 March 2011 - 07:36 PM

Its funny, but my friends and family in Europe see my being a SAHM as normal and completely natural. Many woman there will leave great, high paying jobs to start a family and no one thinks anything of it.

I find that my friends here and people in general seem to judge SAHM as though we do this because we can't find a job or are uneducated which really bothers me.

My s/o and I made the decision together that I would be a SAHM full time until dd was at least two and then could go to work p/t until she started school.

Neither of us liked the idea of someone else raising our child and we feel lucky that we are able to afford this.

I personally don't find staying home any easier than normal.

Staying home I feel I am responsible for all the housework, the laundry, paying bills, grocery shopping etc...

My job is caring for the home on a whole, which I think a lot of people take for granted when they judge SAHM's.

They don't realize how demanding caring for children and running a house can be.

Edited by vals, 08 March 2011 - 07:36 PM.