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Are you a forum bully???


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#1 vals

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 06:41 PM

Reposting from another forum I visit from time to time - they have a major issue with three people who troll and no matter how many times they get blocked they always come back with a new name and email (losers with a giant "L"). One of the mods posted it and although a little amusing, its very true:

I actually find that there are two classes of people who cause maximum trouble on forums. One is of course, the traditional "troll" who wreaks havoc by anti-social behaviour and by deliberately riling up forum members to get kicks out of it, causing havoc and bad blood in the process.

I think as admins, we need to realize that there is another group which I would term as "online bullies" or "internet bullies" who can become equally destructive in undermining communities.

These gentlemen/ladies differ from trolls in the sense that they are not anti-social, but they are an accepted and sometimes well-respected members who assume a sort of informal and unofficial leadership role. They use this position to intimidate and assert their views on newer and less established members and often push their weight around to mark territorial rights. They will generally try and behave properly, but subtly try and behave like moderators and preach about forum behaviour. They will also turn and insult people as they wish and surprisingly other forum members will turn a blind eye to them. They will usually "adopt" ownership of a single forum or a subforum of a board and hang out there frequently with their clan. (this feature is usually more common in larger forums)

These people are often the starting point of cliques because they can gather a group of yes-people around them in no time.

Beware of these people and watch out for them because they can be a lot more trouble in the long run than isolated trolls running loose.

Sometimes you just need an excellent troll to combat an established forum bully

Similarities between trolls and bullies:

Both trolls and bullies can cause enormous damage to a forum by their behaviour.
Both trolls and bullies usually have excellent communication skills using which they attack their opponents unmercifully.
Both trolls and bullies can be intimidating to any normal forum user.
Both trolls and bullies have the effect of creating bad blood.
Both trolls and bullies are hard to control without intervention right from the top - the forum administrator(s) or owner(s) because even moderators might find it hard to control them without support from others.


Differences

Trolls are usually isolated. They are generally short-lived in a forum. A person who signs up on a forum specifically to troll doesn't hang around in other parts of the forum and leaves as soon as the damage is done.
Bullies are more or less regular forum members who might have a huge post count and a following.
Trolls usually hit and run. A successful troll needs only a couple of posts in a single thread to turn it into a raging tornado.
Bullies stay on and intimidate other members by throwing their weight around and using their group of yes-people to lend force to their powerful attacks.
Trolls are usually identified for what they are.
Bullies rarely get identified for what they are, because they are regular members and nobody can suggest that they are ordinary trolls because they have a huge post count.
Trolls hardly respond to challenges. Instead they enjoy watching others fight.
Bullies enjoy fighting and run around bashing everybody who dares oppose them.
The potential damage done by trolls is limited to a particular topic of discussion or at most a forum.
The potential damage done by bullies is forum-wide and not related to topics, but to the personality of the bully and the kind of respect and influence he wields.



#2 JavaBean

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:42 PM

Nope, not me. What you read is what you get. If I type it here, I would say the same thing in person. No head hanging and eye contact avoiding when I meet/see people IRL.

#3 Outnumbered

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:49 PM

Nope, not me. What you read is what you get. If I type it here, I would say the same thing in person. No head hanging and eye contact avoiding when I meet/see people IRL.


Yep, same here. I'm always argumentative.

#4 DivineMrsM

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 07:50 PM


Nope, not me. What you read is what you get. If I type it here, I would say the same thing in person. No head hanging and eye contact avoiding when I meet/see people IRL.


Yep, same here. I'm always argumentative.



LOL yep, me too! No hiding here!

#5 Kris

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:20 PM

I am a nice girl hehehe

#6 Lina

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:20 PM

b*tch maybe, but bully no.

#7 It'sMe

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:25 PM

b*tch maybe, but bully no.


that pretty much sums me up. i'm as big a douche bag in real life as i am on here.

#8 Jen K

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:30 PM


b*tch maybe, but bully no.


that pretty much sums me up. i'm as big a douche bag in real life as i am on here.

Personally, I have never found either of you to be those things on here.

#9 vals

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 08:52 PM

I can be a b*tch in real life, but I think I'm pretty laid back online? You can walk away from a computer, not so much from the ass wipe standing in front of you :)

#10 mom2nico

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 09:00 PM

As a fairly new m2m member, I have been turned off by the way things get out of hand on here sometime, but I've never been offended by one person's individual comments. It's the bickering and off topic disagreements that really take away from the purpose. It's usually fine, but occasionally I have noticed it gets that way, and it's not very appealing to new members.

#11 Jill

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 09:55 PM



Nope, not me. What you read is what you get. If I type it here, I would say the same thing in person. No head hanging and eye contact avoiding when I meet/see people IRL.


Yep, same here. I'm always argumentative.



LOL yep, me too! No hiding here!


This sounds about right!

#12 vals

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Posted 26 April 2011 - 11:30 PM

mom2nico posted April 26 @ 09:00 PM
As a fairly new m2m member, I have been turned off by the way things get out of hand on here sometime, but I've never been offended by one person's individual comments. It's the bickering and off topic disagreements that really take away from the purpose. It's usually fine, but occasionally I have noticed it gets that way, and it's not very appealing to new members.


Its unfortunate, but you find that on every forum (some worse than others). I thought the same thing when I first joined, figured a mommy based forum would have less drama, but once you actually get in, start posting and get familiar with some of the members, you kinda overlook the organized chaos that can ensue because there is a lot of good :)

#13 Jill

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 07:08 AM

People get to know each other around here. We get to know personalities (as much as the internet permits) and we debate real issues. Yes, sometimes it's petty and gets out of hand, and other times they are valid disagreements. IMO, this place would not be what it is without ALL of the elements, including the conflict. If there were none, and no one ever showed any passion for anything, this site would be boring and would draw half of us back.

I can see how it could potentially turn off newer members, but really, these forums are fantastic, IMO, and if they overlook it than it is their loss. I am not up at night shedding tears over the ones who got away..lol

#14 nainai0510

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 08:41 AM

mom2nico posted April 26 @ 09:00 PM
As a fairly new m2m member, I have been turned off by the way things get out of hand on here sometime, but I've never been offended by one person's individual comments. It's the bickering and off topic disagreements that really take away from the purpose. It's usually fine, but occasionally I have noticed it gets that way, and it's not very appealing to new members.


Its unfortunate, but you find that on every forum (some worse than others). I thought the same thing when I first joined, figured a mommy based forum would have less drama, but once you actually get in, start posting and get familiar with some of the members, you kinda overlook the organized chaos that can ensue because there is a lot of good :)


I have to agree on both of these points

I don't believe I'm a bully on sites and I more or less read then write. I have posted one or two "risque" (not IMO but in others) posts but otherwise I'm a lover, not a fighter. What does turn me off of this site though sometimes is the lack of open mindedness about certain topics and the lack of others expressing a similar view point as a posters for fear of the comments from others. I myself go to two other forums b/c there are some subjects I'm not comfortable expressing here but its okay at one of the other forums (I already know I'll be ripped apart for personal beliefs on this and another forum I regularly visit). So to sum it all up, I have never been bullied on this site (but have on others and have left b/c of it) but I have seen it done here.

#15 Tired Mom

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 09:00 AM

Its perspective. Yeah, things can go too far, the site is populated by humans after all. Often though, it depends on sensitivity levels. A person can say something totally without insult and have five different people take it negatively in five different ways.

#16 justsamma

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 09:56 AM

i'm just as b*tchy & augmentative IRL.
i cuss less on here than i do IRL. haha

#17 Cowboy From Hell

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 10:03 AM

Just an opinionated a$$hole and defender of TRUTH...but I'm sometimes accused of being both a troll and a bully. I just think some people can't actually handle the truth.

Edited by Cowboy From Hell, 27 April 2011 - 10:03 AM.


#18 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 12:55 PM

While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.

#19 Alphabet_Soup

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 01:35 PM

While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.


I can assure you that Tim/Cowboy is no troll, an ogre maybe but no troll.

I think that the real question should be "Do people think you are a forum bully?" No one will say they are one but everyone thinks at least someone on any message board is a bully or a troll. I'll bet this post was just made to secretly bash one or two of our very own members.

#20 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 01:37 PM


While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.


I can assure you that Tim/Cowboy is no troll, an ogre maybe but no troll.

I think that the real question should be "Do people think you are a forum bully?" No one will say they are one but everyone thinks at least someone on any message board is a bully or a troll. I'll bet this post was just made to secretly bash one or two of our very own members.



I didn't say one word in my comment about Tim/Cowboy and find it quite amusing that you would equate me saying "1 troll" and assume its your husband I'm referring to. Hmm.

#21 Alphabet_Soup

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 01:46 PM



While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.


I can assure you that Tim/Cowboy is no troll, an ogre maybe but no troll.

I think that the real question should be "Do people think you are a forum bully?" No one will say they are one but everyone thinks at least someone on any message board is a bully or a troll. I'll bet this post was just made to secretly bash one or two of our very own members.



I didn't say one word in my comment about Tim/Cowboy and find it quite amusing that you would equate me saying "1 troll" and assume its your husband I'm referring to. Hmm.


Did you not see that I was trying to be funny by referring him to as an ogre? Oy Vey. And yes, I do believe that people in this thread(not you necessarily) think that he's a troll. Do I care if people call him one? No, I do not. Really Sandra, I was trying to be funny by quoting you and referring him to as an ogre

#22 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 02:03 PM




While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.


I can assure you that Tim/Cowboy is no troll, an ogre maybe but no troll.

I think that the real question should be "Do people think you are a forum bully?" No one will say they are one but everyone thinks at least someone on any message board is a bully or a troll. I'll bet this post was just made to secretly bash one or two of our very own members.



I didn't say one word in my comment about Tim/Cowboy and find it quite amusing that you would equate me saying "1 troll" and assume its your husband I'm referring to. Hmm.


Did you not see that I was trying to be funny by referring him to as an ogre? Oy Vey. And yes, I do believe that people in this thread(not you necessarily) think that he's a troll. Do I care if people call him one? No, I do not. Really Sandra, I was trying to be funny by quoting you and referring him to as an ogre


LOL, all I saw was you quoting my post and referring to Tim/Cowboy and didn't get the humour. I do now. I'm usually not so uptight. Just not used to people joking around with me on here I guess. Note to self "loosen up!!!

Back on topic.

Edited by Sam, 27 April 2011 - 03:00 PM.


#23 Jen K

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 03:00 PM

While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.

Overlooked by admin?

Well *IF* it were up to me , I wouldn't ask for near as many edits that we do now ( which of late hasnt been as many ) because I personally take the stance that we are all adults here, and if you dish it out, you will get it back. I also take the stance that if people choose to air out all their dirty laundry on some www. site, then people should expect to get called on it.

If someone comes on here and says " you are a %^&**&^% " then yes , its going to be dealt with, but some people report things just because they don't like what they have read even though a guideline hasnt neccerarily been broken.

As far as admin turning a blind eye to "trolls" just because we don't post so and so is banned, or has been deleted etc, it doesn't mean things aren't happenning behind the scenes. Alot more goes on behind the scenes than what people realize.

#24 EmnMs

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:15 PM

I'm always a loud mouth ;-)

#25 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:27 PM


While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.


Overlooked by admin?


It appears that way sometimes. Mostly on taboo topics (unions, circ's, bf vs ff,cops etc) That is when people can become real nasty, and from a regular member's perspective, that is when admin "turns a blind eye".

This is only MY perspective of this site when it comes to bullys/trolls. It really is open to each individual's interpretation.

#26 Jen K

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:38 PM

But alot of those topics are in Hot Debate and the rules are more lax there. Part of the reason there is a minimum post count required to enter those threads.

Again it has to actually break a guideline, and alot of the times the posts don't. We are damned if we do, damned if we don't. We are either accused of turning a blind eye or we are accused of having god complexes and censoring too much.

#27 Jenn1980

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:43 PM

I'm more reserved if i don't know you, which you guys consist of 95% of the " i don't know you category" lol. But if you do know me, and i know you, i'm a wise ass and very sarcastic lol.

#28 DivineMrsM

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:47 PM

I think it's pretty obvious who the biggest bully is. And it's Jen K.

#29 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:48 PM

I think it's pretty obvious who the biggest bully is. And it's Jen K.


DISAGREE STRONGLY

edited due to Jen K's request

Edited by Sam, 27 April 2011 - 04:56 PM.


#30 Jen K

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:52 PM

oh aren't you funny.. I demand an edit!!

#31 DivineMrsM

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:53 PM

oh aren't you funny.. I demand an edit!!



Take your god complex somewhere else, lady. You can't tell me what to do!


can you??

#32 Sam

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:56 PM

oh aren't you funny.. I demand an edit!!



done

#33 DivineMrsM

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 04:57 PM

LOL!

#34 jenny

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 05:25 PM


While I was reading that article, at least 5 people popped up in mind as a forum bullies on this site, and 1 troll. I'm sure the troll knows who they are even as they read this post. The bullies though, they may not recognize what they are doing because it is overlooked by other members and admin, just like the article said.

Overlooked by admin?

Well *IF* it were up to me , I wouldn't ask for near as many edits that we do now ( which of late hasnt been as many ) because I personally take the stance that we are all adults here, and if you dish it out, you will get it back. I also take the stance that if people choose to air out all their dirty laundry on some www. site, then people should expect to get called on it.

If someone comes on here and says " you are a %^&**&^% " then yes , its going to be dealt with, but some people report things just because they don't like what they have read even though a guideline hasnt neccerarily been broken.

As far as admin turning a blind eye to "trolls" just because we don't post so and so is banned, or has been deleted etc, it doesn't mean things aren't happenning behind the scenes. Alot more goes on behind the scenes than what people realize.


Good post!

#35 Jen K

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Posted 27 April 2011 - 05:26 PM

And see someone who is new, might actually take the last few posts at face value.