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never had this happen before


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#1 crayons

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Posted 29 July 2011 - 08:39 PM

so i got a baby shower invite about 3 weeks ago. Last day to rsvp is tommorrow. I've been busy during the day so when I do remember its late at night (I don't like to call people at night) so today around 630pm I was outside with the kids because they were in the pool and I got a phone call to which they left a message. When I came in I checked the message, and the message was "we were wondering if you were coming to the shower as we would like to make arrangements" I was so taken by this message that I called dh (its his cousins shower) and he thought that it was rude to call a)before the rsvp date b)to leave a message like this. We are thinking that alot of people didn't respond so thats why she is calling, but then why have a rsvp date, I would have at least thought you would call the next day but not the day before. Has this happened to anyone before. Oh mil and sil are going too.

#2 jenny

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Posted 29 July 2011 - 08:43 PM

I wouldn't read too much into it since it's so close to the RSVP date. It's possible to that maybe they are thinking it's the 30th today not the 29th...KWIM?

#3 Gillian

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Posted 29 July 2011 - 10:54 PM

I dont see a problem with it. They have RSVP dates for a reason, and being less that 12 hours from the actual date she was probably just calling to confirm for sure. I usually RSVP asap so I don't run into this situation haha... I wouldn't really worry about it, I don't think she mean any harm by calling

#4 cheesecake

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 07:26 AM

Doesn't seem like a big deal. She probably is just anxious to get going with the plans. I know when I have gatherings it's nice to know as soon as possible how many are coming so I can start with the planning.

#5 mom2nico

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 07:34 AM

I know I get antsy if it's getting close to the RSVP date, especially if I don't have many replies yet. I'm sure it's no big deal, and I don't see a problem with leaving a message at that point either. I imagine you're not the only one she was calling, so it would have taken forever if she was looking to personally talk to everyone.

#6 bcnap

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:04 AM

I just hosted a shower for a friend, and it gets kinda annoying when you dont get 99% of the replies at least a couple days before the rsvp date. I had only 4 out of 65.. so making calls a day or two before the rsvp date I can totally understand. especially if its LESS thana week before the event.

#7 Kris

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 11:11 AM

I can see why she would call. I hate when people dont call to RSVP but than they show up anyways. So you get way more people than expected. She probably wanted to make sure she had everything for a set amount of people

#8 JeepMom

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Posted 30 July 2011 - 10:20 PM

I dont see a problem with it for a couple of reasons...a) they need a head count to let the hall know b) with the mail strike that just happened they were probably worried that many people didnt get the invite. So by calling a day before, if they dont get a hold of you then you will come home, see the message and still get back to them by the RSVP date.

#9 murkywaters

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 08:31 AM

of course in their eyes it was rude for you not to call... they DID invite you after all and it would have been nice to hear something back. They dont' care how busy you are in their eyes THEY are the busy ones planning this big "party". Just sayin' I know I would want an RSVP sooner rather then latter and if I REALLY wanted you to go I'd call you up and ask you so that I can count you in because I really wanted you there...

#10 jag

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 01:04 PM

Ok I am the odd one out. No I don't see it as being a BIG deal HOWEVER--they left a date for the RSVP! If it wasn't after that date or even on that day in the late afternoon or early evening they they should have waited IMO! If there was not date for an RSVP then truly no big deal when they call. You just don't call before a date id given.

#11 vals

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 01:33 PM

I don't see it as a big deal. Its possible that they got their days mixed up (hell I thought Friday was the 31st :) ) and where just trying to be as organized as possible, ensuring they ordered enough food, favors etc.... My sister sent out a reminder email three days before the RSVP because we had to put a food/drink order in. They are likely just trying to stay on top of everything and in no way wanted to be rude.

#12 elainesj

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 04:02 PM

I think it would depend on the tone of the message being left. If I was planning a party and wanted to check on things before the RSVP date, I would call, but ask nicely just to follow up or remind that RSVP date is coming.

If the message was very frustrated, etc - then I feel that is unneccessary.

E

#13 crayons

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 08:48 PM

so I looked at alot of etiquette forums and such, and its acually very rude to call before the rsvp date. Alot of sites said that this is the reason people have rsvp dates, but you should call after the date. Also, when calling someone, you need to ask if they have recieved the invitation too, not just assume that they recieved it and ask if you are coming. Also, your rsvp date should be 2 weeks before the date of your function. I found this site where they even did a poll, some of it is a bit old, but you get the point.


http://boards.weddin...-up-in-one-week

#14 sherri

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 09:28 PM

yes people have rsvp dates for a reason but seriously why cant you respond when you get it instead of waiting till the last possible time frame to call
whether you are going or not it only takes a minute to respond
you said you had the invite for 3 weeks and its the day before and you still hadnt responded

eta- since it was only the day before the rsvp date i dont find it rude at all if you had it for 3 weeks she probably had mailed them at least a week before so its over a month for her she is probably just wondering

Edited by sherri, 31 July 2011 - 09:34 PM.


#15 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 31 July 2011 - 09:43 PM

yes people have rsvp dates for a reason but seriously why cant you respond when you get it instead of waiting till the last possible time frame to call
whether you are going or not it only takes a minute to respond
you said you had the invite for 3 weeks and its the day before and you still hadnt responded

eta- since it was only the day before the rsvp date i dont find it rude at all if you had it for 3 weeks she probably had mailed them at least a week before so its over a month for her she is probably just wondering

:goodpost

#16 moosemom

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 12:08 AM

They must not have had a LOT of people RSVP that they needed call people all day long. Also, people work on Monday, so Sunday would be the better of the two to call to actually get a hold of people to ask. DH's family did NOT RSVP for anything - the shower, the wedding, the baby shower - nothing. Their attitude is "if I didn't call you, I'm not coming".

I know with my schedule here lately, that if I were to receive an invite for 3 weeks from now, there is NO WAY that I could even know what the answer would be. He// - there are times that I do respond only to have "life happen" and have to call to change my response.

Like someone said ... if the tone wasn't nasty, I wouldn't worry about it. They must be stressing out as to how many are coming.

#17 jenny

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 02:16 AM

Honestly...why make such a big deal out of this? It's ONE day ahead.

I'm sorry, but it takes 1 min to pick up a phone and respond with yes or no. You could call you DH when you got the call but couldn't pick up the phone to RSVP to them. Not trying to sound rude but this bugs me when people can't RSVP...and say they've been too busy. I understand life gets busy and all but it takes 1 min to call.

#18 JavaBean

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 08:04 AM

I agree with the others who said that there were probably a lot of people who hadn't responded yet. It can be really difficult to plan an event like this without having a good idea of how many are coming. Things like food, drinks, favours are quite dependent on this number. I'm a busy gal, too, and sometimes I will put an invite on the counter to call at a less crazy time (read: no children wanting to talk to me as soon as there's a phone to my ear, LOL!) and have completely forgotten about it or stuff gets put on top, etc, etc. If I would have received a call, I would have apologized for not responding sooner and given them the info they needed. No worries. We are all busy and need to cut each other some slack.

#19 lissada

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 08:41 AM

Honestly...why make such a big deal out of this? It's ONE day ahead.

I'm sorry, but it takes 1 min to pick up a phone and respond with yes or no. You could call you DH when you got the call but couldn't pick up the phone to RSVP to them. Not trying to sound rude but this bugs me when people can't RSVP...and say they've been too busy. I understand life gets busy and all but it takes 1 min to call.


Exactly and don't forget, make a post about it as well!! In the end who cares...either you are going or not going and they would like to know! And since you said that you had the invite for 3 weeks, I am not sure why you didn't respond sooner!!

#20 Jill

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 09:22 AM

I sort of think it's worse etiquette to wait until the last minute to RSVP! I hope it wasn't a mail in format, because then you'll be late to give your reply! hehe

#21 jag

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 03:30 PM

I sort of think it's worse etiquette to wait until the last minute to RSVP! I hope it wasn't a mail in format, because then you'll be late to give your reply! hehe

But what if she didn't know if she could make it or not!? Really I wouldn't have been bothered by the call so much I just would have explained why I hadn't RSVP'd until the last minute. I had to do that for a party for my daughter just recently. We had plans for the weekend she was invited to a party but the way the weather has been I didn't want to say she couldn't go because so many of our plans have changed last minute. Not everyone knows when they get an invite if they will be able to attend and really that is why dates are put on for a RSVP! Again I wouldn't be bothered if someone called. Heck if you want to take the time to look up my number and call by all means feel free but I was going to call you by your date! So what ever!

#22 Jill

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 06:24 PM

You can't figure out whether you can or cannot go before the day before the RSVP date? I mean, it's possible, sure things happen, but it doesn't sound like that was the scenario here. IMO, it's bad etiquette to wait that long. You let them know as soon as you know. She knew before that, as stated in the OP, she just kept forgetting to call. If we are going to talk etiquette because they called her, then we can call a spade a spade, right?

#23 crayons

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 09:07 PM

the reason I couldn't call is because my dh works 16 hours every day including sundays (they are now allowed to work ot) and he doesn't know what is going on 3 weeks in advance and what am I suppose to do with 4 kids, its not like I have a sitter on hand or don't do anything on the weekends with my family that I can give 3 weeks notice and its the shower is located at an area that I'm not familiar with so that means i have to leave earlier too, and NO I can't bring all the kids with me, only the youngest. Now you all know why at 9pm I'm tired and don't make calls after that or I forget.

Edited by crayons, 01 August 2011 - 09:11 PM.


#24 jenny

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Posted 01 August 2011 - 09:46 PM

But you could have put in a simple call to explain your situation to them letting them know what you just explained above. Doing that they could have put you on a maybe...which given the circumstance should be understandable to them.