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10 Golden rules for a friendship


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#1 terbear

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 10:51 AM

Ran accross these rules. Enjoy!! I have many great friends that I wouldn't change for the world. I really do feel blessed and I appreciate each one of them.....So I am keeping these rules handy!!

10 Golden Rules Of Friendship


FOCUS ON WHAT YOU CAN GIVE TO A FRIEND, NOT WHAT YOU CAN GET OUT OF A FRIENDSHIP
If being happy is your only motive for wanting someone to be your friend, then you are not being a real friend. Don't get caught up in keeping tabs on who has given most in the friendship. Give to your friends regardless of how much they give to you.


ENCOURAGE YOUR FRIEND
Real friends inspire and push each other to be the best that they can be, rather than drag each other down. They are happy when other people achieve their goals.


BE WILLING TO FORGIVE
Don't let hurt turn to grudge. This is one sure way to destroy a friendship. Forgive your friend and move on.


TACTFULLY POINT OUT THEIR MISTAKES
This is one way to show concern for others. If you really care, you will tactfully point out a specific example for his own good. But once you've brought the problem to your friend's attention, don't harp on it all the time. Don't walk away from a friendship when you see some of your friend's faults. Be patient with a friend as he or she tries to change. Realize that nobody is perfect.


BE RELIABLE
When you say you are going to be there, be there.


DON'T TRY TO CONTROL YOUR FRIENDS
Real friendship does not mean you always have to be together. It may be tempting to have a fun person all to yourself, and feel threatened when your friend spends time with others. If you are afraid to let your friends out of your sight, you are probably afraid of losing them. Good friendship will endure time spent apart. You and your friends may learn to appreciate each other even more.


BE THERE FOR THE GOOD AND THE BAD TIMES
Celebrate with them if your friends are excited about something. But don't be there just for the good times. When your friend is upset about something, give them your full attention. Most of the time, what friends really need is a sympathetic ear, someone who understand their feelings.


LEARN TO ACCEPT PERSONALITY DIFFERENCES IN YOUR FRIENDS
Be careful not to evaluate other people by how you react in a particular situation. Do not automatically take your friends' behaviour personally.


DON'T BE A BLABBERMOUTH
Learn and be willing to keep each other's secrets.


DON'T LET ARGUMENTS DESTROY YOUR FRIENDSHIP
Suppose you're having a discussion with a friend and after you've said what you think is true, they still disagree. Don't keep arguing until you get mad with each other. Just drop it. Your desire to win the argument may ruin your friendship.


eta to add link http://akssara.blogs...friendship.html

Edited by terbear, 28 September 2011 - 10:53 AM.


#2 terbear

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 11:03 AM

If you ever have a few minutes the Life is 2 Live Blog is very good. Full of positive messages and suggestions. Well worth the peeking around.

#3 Karen

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 12:43 PM

Thanks Teri. I like this a lot and will check out the blog. Do you have a link? :)

Edited by Karen, 28 September 2011 - 12:43 PM.


#4 terbear

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 04:33 PM

http://akssara.blogspot.com/

It is called Life is 2 Live the writer has labels (topics) that I check out.

#5 Jen K

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 06:05 PM

Nice post Teri!

#6 DivineMrsM

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 07:25 PM

See, I think it depends on what you expect out of a friend, really. I tend to expect a lot. So my problem is that I have to choose friends who are like me. It's not someone's fault that they are not like me, just as it's not my fault either. I tend to put a lot into friendships and I expect for that back. I have been fortunate in my life that I have a couple, well maybe three people in my entire life that are the same as me and I have been friends with all of them since high school. Our personalities are different, of course, but our fundamental values of life and friendships are the same.

So I agree with some of those "rules" but not all. What kind of friendship is it if you feel you are putting yourself out there more than your friend? If you feel as though you aren't being valued as much as you value them? That's not good for the self esteem, I can tell you that much! lol So it's not about having to be together all the time, it's not about control, it's about feeling included, kwim? There is time apart, which my BFF Jill and I have a lot of, then there is just not even talking at all. Jill and I very rarely get together in person, but we talk on the phone every single day.

I've recently (lol) gone thru something like this and it just makes me realize that different people have different ideas of what it means to be a CLOSE friend. To me, I take my friendships not really unlike a marriage. I make them a large priority in my life and I expect the same. I realize that not everyone is capable of that, and that's cool. Not every person you meet is going to be your bff.

I am very fortunate to have a LOT of friends, but just a very few who I am truly close with. Facebook has made it wonderful to meet a lot of people and have contact with people, but that's just online. I still do long for that "sex and the city" kind of group of girls, but for now, I have my super close individual friends and a ton of online friends who I really need to make the effort of seeing in real life.

So while I agree with some of the rules that girl wrote, they are by no means the gold standard or gospel. Well, not for me anyway! lol

#7 murkywaters

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 09:24 PM

well MY golden rule book involves another one. The relationship should be one that provides not only support but happiness to the other person. Like i tell my 6 yr old we don't say mean things to our friends and we dont' try to make them feel bad for things. In a friendship you should WANT to make that person feel happy and good! That is after all the point of a friendship right?! To give happiness and GOOD feelings to each other. If you're constantly making the other half feeling negative feelings that really isn't the point of the whole thing and are you REALLY their friend? I supposed it kinda goes with the first one a bit...

#8 Kris

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 09:24 PM

See, I think it depends on what you expect out of a friend, really. I tend to expect a lot. So my problem is that I have to choose friends who are like me. It's not someone's fault that they are not like me, just as it's not my fault either. I tend to put a lot into friendships and I expect for that back. I have been fortunate in my life that I have a couple, well maybe three people in my entire life that are the same as me and I have been friends with all of them since high school. Our personalities are different, of course, but our fundamental values of life and friendships are the same.

So I agree with some of those "rules" but not all. What kind of friendship is it if you feel you are putting yourself out there more than your friend? If you feel as though you aren't being valued as much as you value them? That's not good for the self esteem, I can tell you that much! lol So it's not about having to be together all the time, it's not about control, it's about feeling included, kwim? There is time apart, which my BFF Jill and I have a lot of, then there is just not even talking at all. Jill and I very rarely get together in person, but we talk on the phone every single day.

I've recently (lol) gone thru something like this and it just makes me realize that different people have different ideas of what it means to be a CLOSE friend. To me, I take my friendships not really unlike a marriage. I make them a large priority in my life and I expect the same. I realize that not everyone is capable of that, and that's cool. Not every person you meet is going to be your bff.

I am very fortunate to have a LOT of friends, but just a very few who I am truly close with. Facebook has made it wonderful to meet a lot of people and have contact with people, but that's just online. I still do long for that "sex and the city" kind of group of girls, but for now, I have my super close individual friends and a ton of online friends who I really need to make the effort of seeing in real life.

So while I agree with some of the rules that girl wrote, they are by no means the gold standard or gospel. Well, not for me anyway! lol



Totally agree with everything!

#9 Jen.Uh.Fur

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 09:47 PM

See, I think it depends on what you expect out of a friend, really. I tend to expect a lot. So my problem is that I have to choose friends who are like me. It's not someone's fault that they are not like me, just as it's not my fault either. I tend to put a lot into friendships and I expect for that back. I have been fortunate in my life that I have a couple, well maybe three people in my entire life that are the same as me and I have been friends with all of them since high school. Our personalities are different, of course, but our fundamental values of life and friendships are the same.

So I agree with some of those "rules" but not all. What kind of friendship is it if you feel you are putting yourself out there more than your friend? If you feel as though you aren't being valued as much as you value them? That's not good for the self esteem, I can tell you that much! lol So it's not about having to be together all the time, it's not about control, it's about feeling included, kwim? There is time apart, which my BFF Jill and I have a lot of, then there is just not even talking at all. Jill and I very rarely get together in person, but we talk on the phone every single day.

I've recently (lol) gone thru something like this and it just makes me realize that different people have different ideas of what it means to be a CLOSE friend. To me, I take my friendships not really unlike a marriage. I make them a large priority in my life and I expect the same. I realize that not everyone is capable of that, and that's cool. Not every person you meet is going to be your bff.

I am very fortunate to have a LOT of friends, but just a very few who I am truly close with. Facebook has made it wonderful to meet a lot of people and have contact with people, but that's just online. I still do long for that "sex and the city" kind of group of girls, but for now, I have my super close individual friends and a ton of online friends who I really need to make the effort of seeing in real life.

So while I agree with some of the rules that girl wrote, they are by no means the gold standard or gospel. Well, not for me anyway! lol


I have to completely agree with this.

I obviously chose a different path than most of my friends. But it was an eye opener for sure. It allowed me to find out who were not my true friends and who were. But I'm thankful it did, the couple friends I do have, I would do anything for, and I know the feeling is mutual.

#10 Kiana

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Posted 28 September 2011 - 09:59 PM

I agree with some of these golden rules but as Dana pointed out some people just don't fit into the cookie cutter mold yet that doesn't make them a bad friend. My best friend and I met 21 yrs ago and we've remained a huge part of each others lives even though i moved away 11 yrs ago. I tend to cut people out of my life quickly that don't live up to my expectations of what I give and in return want to receive. It's not a matter of being right or feeling in power I just think some people don't value what I give enough.

#11 DivineMrsM

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Posted 29 September 2011 - 05:43 AM

well MY golden rule book involves another one. The relationship should be one that provides not only support but happiness to the other person. Like i tell my 6 yr old we don't say mean things to our friends and we dont' try to make them feel bad for things. In a friendship you should WANT to make that person feel happy and good! That is after all the point of a friendship right?! To give happiness and GOOD feelings to each other. If you're constantly making the other half feeling negative feelings that really isn't the point of the whole thing and are you REALLY their friend? I supposed it kinda goes with the first one a bit...



I totally agree with that as well. There is a way to talk about how you feel without being mean. I believe in full disclosure in every relationship but you don't have to be mean about it.