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Young Child Showing Signs of Being Gay or Having Gender Identity Issues


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#1 anon

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 02:45 PM

This is about my friend's son. He is almost 4 years old and ever since he could speak he's been wanting to wear purses, high heels, jewellery, girly bling... basically anything ultra feminine. He also says he wants to be a girl quite often. Not sure if he might be having gender identity issues or if maybe he's gay or perhaps this is just a stage he's going through. If this is a stage, how long do we 'wait it out'? I feel bad for him because he always wants to wear our(mine or his mom's) girly things and his parents and grandmother have recently stopped allowing him to wear any of it. It breaks his little heart when they say no to him and I have to honour their wishes so I say no to him too. Not sure how to handle this and I know my friend is unsure of what to do also. Any advice at all would be appreciated.

#2 Ellivort

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 03:34 PM

I think parents should never interfer in a child's character or gender identity unless there is a legitimate safety issue. What these parents should realize is that no amount of purses, high heels or dresses or a lack thereof will change the man their son is going to become. If he was born gay, then if they surround him with trucks and workboots and hardhats, he will still be gay. If he was born to be female, then he will go that route regardless of whether they stop him from dressing up in women's attire.

By hindering his character development he may grow to feel there is something wrong with who is and this can lead to more issues than I can list here. Let the child be who he is, if in the end he is a gay man then that is what was meant to be.

Edited by Ellivort, 04 August 2012 - 03:35 PM.


#3 sherri

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 03:51 PM

does he have a sister that is dressing up wearing purses etc cause maybe he just wants to dress up like her
i think parents put too much pressure on kids to play with the right toys in my opinion there is no girl or boy toys they should be able to play with what they want i think its wrong they are making him stop playing with those things
playing with so called girl toys does not mean he is gay
and if he is gay stopping him is not going to help either

#4 unicycle_mike

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 05:47 PM

That's appalling, I can't for the life of me understand why any parent would have a problem with their children living outside the perfect little boxes society loves to fit people into. Are they hurting anyone? Are they hurting themselves? No? Then let them be themselves and do what they want.

My son paints his nails pink, has a pink carseat, has barbies, build-a-bears with pink frilly tutu's, strollers, etc. He also has dinosaurs, cars, trains, guns, etc. It's a wonder any guys end up good with kids, considering how they're expected to act as children when it comes to being nurturing. They're expected to play with guns and robots and cars, and then give them a hard time about not being good dads or sensitive enough as adults. It just baffles me that people don't see the connection there.

We've maintained since our son was born that we'll give him a completely equal choice in anything he can have an opinion on that is targeted towards boys or girls, and he won't ever be made to feel like the girly or boyish choice is wrong. I want him to develop completely as the person he wants to and was meant to be, as much as I can possibly manage to in that regard. I even drive my friends a bit crazy with correcting them if they say to him "isn't that a bit girly for you?" when he shows off his nail polish, lol. I just don't buy into gender biasing. It's unfair to put your skewed adult views on something so innocent as personal taste of a budding individual, just to make them feel guilty enough to give into it and conform.

Sorry about the rant, this drives me insane in our society.

#5 vals

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 05:49 PM

I think its normal and in no way means he is gay or has gender identity issues. As a little girl I was happier dressed in shorts and converse like my brothr and his friends, climbing trees and doing so called "boy things". It was a normal phase in my developement and my parents never fought it and just let me be me, boy stuff and all. Trying to stop it could be damaging to the little boy and actually hinder his development. If he likes dress up and pink and more feminin things, why not let him explore this phase? I personally would not feel concerned if I had a boy who wanted to play with purses and dolls. Hell my older brother use to play dress up and even play with my barbie house ( sometime more than me) and he is not gay, went on to be a star athlete, got married etc... Its part of this childs development.

#6 creative mama

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 06:22 PM

pfft! My kid does this all the time. Heck, the other day he told me when he grows up, he wants to be a Mommy. Even if it meant he WAS gay, I wouldn't do a damn thing about it because there's nothing you CAN do. It's not something the kid comes down with. It's just who they are. That said, I don't necessarily think there's anything "wrong" with it at all. Kids at that age don't know gender differentiation - they just do what's fun for them. If anyone - ANYONE - tried to tell my kid he couldn't dress up or play around with things or wear pink they'd get a swift kick in the ass from me. There's nothing to "wait out". This child is going to grow up to be who he is meant to be. If it's a straight male or gay ... does it really matter? Tell the parents that they need to stop interfering with this child's desire to be a child.

Edited by creative mama, 04 August 2012 - 06:23 PM.


#7 Keegsmama

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 06:35 PM

Ha! I'd adopt this little boy! His parents should be ashamed of themselves and I'm disgusted with them for their behavior.

I'm with unicyclemike

For the record I played with dolls and trucks and I'm gayer than Samma!

#8 Jen.Uh.Fur

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 06:46 PM

:( I feel so bad for this little boy.

#9 justsamma

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 07:17 PM

Oy.
I wish parents would realize being gay isn't a death sentence. Not accepting them or letting them express themselves is. Kids in the LGBTQ community have admitted to having suicidal thoughts and plans as young as 10.
I don't believe in gender stereotyping, gender forcing or gender binaries especially in children. not allowing a child to express themselves in ways that they feel comfortable will only hinder them emotionally and mentally in the future.
It very well could be a phase & if that is the case they should embrace it and let their son know that he is loved no matter what. If it isn't they are only teaching him that expressing himself & being himself is wrong.
If the people around him continue to treat him the way they do and he he comes out as gay and/or trans those are going to be the people he resents, he rebels against and that he hides it from.

These kind of behaviors could all be in the realm of normal too. This could all pass and he might be the dirt lovin', sports lovin' boy they want him to be but i think it is critical that they show him acceptance and love during this phase too.

#10 Kris

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 07:22 PM

that is so sad. I dont think it means he is gay or has gender issues at all. Even if it did so what? My ds played with tons of what was considered girl toys, heck he is 10 and plays with easy bake oven, girl gourmet toys, he wears pink on occasion too. Do I think he is gay? no. Would I care if he was? No.
People get too hung up on gender stereotypes.

My bff growing up used to play with his mom's makeup and, high heels and purses. It took him til he was 27 yrs to come out that he was gay because he was ridiculed so much as a child by his own family. He just finally has come to terms with who he is.

#11 Keegsmama

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Posted 04 August 2012 - 08:01 PM

Gender is a social construct that North Americans rely on way too much.

#12 Outnumbered

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 12:56 AM

This would be laughable if it weren't sad. Let the kid wear what he wants and just enjoy his perspective on life.

#13 Ellivort

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 07:46 AM

Another thought occurred to me in that he may just really adore his mother and want to be just like her? Is the father in the picture? Kids look to their parents and at a young age want to be just like them (that changes with age, enjoy it! lol).

Regardless of the reasoning, as I and everyone else has said, let him be himself!

I encourage w/e it is DD wants to play with, when we were picking out potty training prizes she want a truck and a spiderman action figure. She also wanted a my little pony, barbie, tool set and princess kit. Sexuality aside, allowing kids to explore their masculine and feminine sides will help them become a more complete person regardless of their future orientation or gender identity.

I hope that you are able to take all of the information and opinions received her and have a sit down with the parent(s) and help them enjoy who their child is and not try to mold him into what they want him to be.

Edited by Ellivort, 05 August 2012 - 07:52 AM.


#14 bcnap

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 09:38 AM

my nephew was like this exactly, the things that cme out of his mouth, etc.. for sure i thought he was not going to be into girls... ( not that it matters)

but he is now 17, and more than manly.

My YDS loves to put my dd's girly stuff on and shoes, whatever ... it is what it is, he plays with trains, trucks and cars too. Its not like you can change who a child is. Sure nobody wishes for the teasing and hurt other people can cause on them, but in todays society, things have changed A LOT from the 70's and 80's.

#15 Tired Mom

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 09:58 AM

My ex has accused me of "making our son gay" numerous times. Pink and purple are his favourite colours, Power Puff Girls is his favourite tv show, and he has no qualms riding a pink bike when his Tonka or Disney Car's bike isn't available. He's also been a ladies boob/butt grabber (before understanding that's not appropriate), has crushes on girls, talks about marrying women, and being a good husband and Daddy. He's been around gay couples and doesn't even seem to notice they aren't roommates lol. I think if it was something he thought of he'd of asked tons of questions. He's a pretty vocal kid. He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)

#16 Jill

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:23 AM

I just can't wrap my mind around the fact that people still actually believe you can make a person gay, or prevent it with the right toys or show, or clothes!! This is absolutely preposterous to me!!

When will people bother to educate themselves a little, rather than live in complete ignorance?? It's mind boggling!

#17 anon

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:27 AM

Thanks for all your responses. The parents are not together and the father's side started not allowing him to wear the girly things recently and so the mother's side started following suit... although in speaking to the mom yesterday she doesn't really think it's a big deal so she's gone back to allowing him to wear what he wants which I think is awesome. Her issue is more about the split parenting decisions as she knows there's not much she can do when the boy is at his dad's house AND what to do about him saying he wants to be a girl all the time. At home this isn't a big deal but when they go out he's dressed as a boy. This very well could be a phase, but I suppose we'll wait and see if it changes. If NOT though, that's where the concern lies as his happiness would depend on him being allowed to live his life as a girl and considering the parents are split and the father is against the ultra girly stuff, it would be a difficult situation.

#18 emmsmama

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 10:38 AM

He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.

#19 anon

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 11:14 AM


He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.


This is exactly it. It has nothing to do with the parents or anyone else being a homophobe and not wanting him to be gay. Both parents have gay family members that are accepted and loved. It has EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to be a girl and dressing in girly ways. Do they let him live his life as a girl completely or continue to allow him to dress as a girl at home and then a boy in public??? Wouldn't that be confusing to the poor child? Either one would be confusing for all involved. That and having different rules at different homes makes this situation very hard to deal with.

#20 creative mama

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 11:31 AM

The parent's motives could be anything but it still doesn't give them the green light to be doing this. Let's just say this kid IS gay ... shouldn't the parents start working NOW to share with him that no matter what you do or who you are you deserve to be loved and respected? If this child is gay, they're setting him up for failure by teaching him that it's just not right so let's hide who and what you really are.

#21 Kris

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 11:48 AM

I can understand not wanting to send your child to school in a dress because kids are cruel but to deny him who he wants to be at home is going to cause more harm than good. It is going to make him feel like something is wrong with him
It is just sad that we still live in a world where there is these perfect little boxes we put men and women in

#22 emmsmama

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 12:19 PM

The parent's motives could be anything but it still doesn't give them the green light to be doing this. Let's just say this kid IS gay ... shouldn't the parents start working NOW to share with him that no matter what you do or who you are you deserve to be loved and respected? If this child is gay, they're setting him up for failure by teaching him that it's just not right so let's hide who and what you really are.


I'm not saying what they are doing is right, just saying we shouldn't assume that they are doing it because they are worried their son might be gay because he carries a purse. It might be because they don't want him to be picked on or made fun of. They still shouldn't make a big deal out of it though. It really bugs me how to so many people it's no big deal if a girl does "boy things," but if a boy does "girl things," many parents start to freak out.

I can understand not wanting to send your child to school in a dress because kids are cruel but to deny him who he wants to be at home is going to cause more harm than good. It is going to make him feel like something is wrong with him
It is just sad that we still live in a world where there is these perfect little boxes we put men and women in


Ita. Home, from your parents, is where you should always feel loved and accepted.

#23 justsamma

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 03:01 PM



He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.


This is exactly it. It has nothing to do with the parents or anyone else being a homophobe and not wanting him to be gay. Both parents have gay family members that are accepted and loved. It has EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to be a girl and dressing in girly ways. Do they let him live his life as a girl completely or continue to allow him to dress as a girl at home and then a boy in public??? Wouldn't that be confusing to the poor child? Either one would be confusing for all involved. That and having different rules at different homes makes this situation very hard to deal with.

haha. The good ol' "we aren't homophobes! we have gay friends! lines. Now THAT is laughable.
I do not understand how the family having friends who are members of the LGBTQ community means they *MUST* be accepting of their child. O.o
The people they associate has nothing to do with the fears, concerns or gender stereotyping they are doing and may have with their own child.
Many people can't wrap their head around GID or gender fluidity. But societies refusal to see out side of gender norms is killing children.
Maybe it is because I am part of the LGBTQ community & a huge trans advocate, but i really see no issue with a boy wearing a dress to school, or a little girl shaving her head, or whatever other gender role you want to throw in there. Sure kids are cruel, but those same kids are going to be just as cruel when the child comes out. Sure they will be teased, but if it isn't for the dress he is wearing, it will be for something else. Everyone gets teased and bullied. Is it right? No. But it happens.
I would want my child to feel loved and accepted for whoever they are regardless of what everyone else thinks & I would start that as early as possible.

#24 Tired Mom

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 03:35 PM




He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.


This is exactly it. It has nothing to do with the parents or anyone else being a homophobe and not wanting him to be gay. Both parents have gay family members that are accepted and loved. It has EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to be a girl and dressing in girly ways. Do they let him live his life as a girl completely or continue to allow him to dress as a girl at home and then a boy in public??? Wouldn't that be confusing to the poor child? Either one would be confusing for all involved. That and having different rules at different homes makes this situation very hard to deal with.

haha. The good ol' "we aren't homophobes! we have gay friends! lines. Now THAT is laughable.
I do not understand how the family having friends who are members of the LGBTQ community means they *MUST* be accepting of their child. O.o
The people they associate has nothing to do with the fears, concerns or gender stereotyping they are doing and may have with their own child.
Many people can't wrap their head around GID or gender fluidity. But societies refusal to see out side of gender norms is killing children.
Maybe it is because I am part of the LGBTQ community & a huge trans advocate, but i really see no issue with a boy wearing a dress to school, or a little girl shaving her head, or whatever other gender role you want to throw in there. Sure kids are cruel, but those same kids are going to be just as cruel when the child comes out. Sure they will be teased, but if it isn't for the dress he is wearing, it will be for something else. Everyone gets teased and bullied. Is it right? No. But it happens.
I would want my child to feel loved and accepted for whoever they are regardless of what everyone else thinks & I would start that as early as possible.


Enough, really!

That response is just as type casting as what you are arguing against!

Don't tell me a little boy very interested in girls romantically needs to be hung out to dry with his peers because he likes some stuff that is viewed to be girly! I find the toughen him up because someone thinks he's gay and will have to come out eventually attitude a$$ backwards. It's bad enough that those who are gay have to go through it.

What it looks like you glossed over was his reaction to homosexuality, when in its company and his lack of questions. It doesn't even occur to him to realize there are female-female/male-male relationships! he has no qualms asking questions on things that interest him, and saying from the rooftops when he likes something. But here he's clueless!

Seriously, I'm not going to martyr my kid for a cause that he hasn't subscribed to! If he finds himself there, we'll help him through it then. In the mean time, its not something relevant to him.

Labels can be wrongly applied in more than one direction.

Also, in case you missed it again, friends I have had nothing to do with my post. The ONLY reason it was mentioned was ds's reaction and complete lack of idea of anyone being interested in their same sex.

#25 Tired Mom

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 03:42 PM

I like a lot of guy things, does that make me gender confused or gay? Obviously not.

Yes a world where kids aren't teased would be fantastic. My approach to getting it there is having children who accept everyone, and being an example of how to treat everyone. Not martyring them in the name of progress.

#26 justsamma

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 04:14 PM





He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.


This is exactly it. It has nothing to do with the parents or anyone else being a homophobe and not wanting him to be gay. Both parents have gay family members that are accepted and loved. It has EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to be a girl and dressing in girly ways. Do they let him live his life as a girl completely or continue to allow him to dress as a girl at home and then a boy in public??? Wouldn't that be confusing to the poor child? Either one would be confusing for all involved. That and having different rules at different homes makes this situation very hard to deal with.

haha. The good ol' "we aren't homophobes! we have gay friends! lines. Now THAT is laughable.
I do not understand how the family having friends who are members of the LGBTQ community means they *MUST* be accepting of their child. O.o
The people they associate has nothing to do with the fears, concerns or gender stereotyping they are doing and may have with their own child.
Many people can't wrap their head around GID or gender fluidity. But societies refusal to see out side of gender norms is killing children.
Maybe it is because I am part of the LGBTQ community & a huge trans advocate, but i really see no issue with a boy wearing a dress to school, or a little girl shaving her head, or whatever other gender role you want to throw in there. Sure kids are cruel, but those same kids are going to be just as cruel when the child comes out. Sure they will be teased, but if it isn't for the dress he is wearing, it will be for something else. Everyone gets teased and bullied. Is it right? No. But it happens.
I would want my child to feel loved and accepted for whoever they are regardless of what everyone else thinks & I would start that as early as possible.


Enough, really!

That response is just as type casting as what you are arguing against!

Don't tell me a little boy very interested in girls romantically needs to be hung out to dry with his peers because he likes some stuff that is viewed to be girly! I find the toughen him up because someone thinks he's gay and will have to come out eventually attitude a$$ backwards. It's bad enough that those who are gay have to go through it.

What it looks like you glossed over was his reaction to homosexuality, when in its company and his lack of questions. It doesn't even occur to him to realize there are female-female/male-male relationships! he has no qualms asking questions on things that interest him, and saying from the rooftops when he likes something. But here he's clueless!

Seriously, I'm not going to martyr my kid for a cause that he hasn't subscribed to! If he finds himself there, we'll help him through it then. In the mean time, its not something relevant to him.

Labels can be wrongly applied in more than one direction.

Also, in case you missed it again, friends I have had nothing to do with my post. The ONLY reason it was mentioned was ds's reaction and complete lack of idea of anyone being interested in their same sex.

dude, I think there is some confusion going on.
I wasn't directing my post at you. Your post just ended up in the pile of quotes. In fact until just now, I didn't read it beyond what was quoted.
I get what you are saying about your kid. you feel like he will be made fun of because his nails are painted, and to avoid that you don't let him paint his nails? right? If so, I get it & i respect it. you are doing what you feel is best for your kid.
IMO, the reality is that every kid will be made fun of for something & i believe in preparing kids for that so they can come out a lot stronger and with more grace than most of us did.

My opinion isn't about the OP friend's kid being gay or trans, it is about gender stereotyping & how the "No, you cant do this because you might get made fun of" situation just doesn't sit right with me.

#27 Jill

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 04:51 PM

I agree with you samma, boys should be able to dresses If they want to, but I would never expose mh kids to that in grade school. The teasing they would face would, IMO be far worse than that of say.. A kid wearing glasses might face. No way would I allow my child to be thrown under the bus like that! That's where I agree with Michelle.. No way, NOT my child!

Edited by Jill, 05 August 2012 - 04:51 PM.


#28 Kris

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 05:14 PM

I agree with you samma, boys should be able to dresses If they want to, but I would never expose mh kids to that in grade school. The teasing they would face would, IMO be far worse than that of say.. A kid wearing glasses might face. No way would I allow my child to be thrown under the bus like that! That's where I agree with Michelle.. No way, NOT my child!



I have to agree was well. I for sure would allow my son to be himself at home but I would not send him to school dressed as a girl, the bulling that would happen would be just as bad. Kids commit suicide over bullying so I could imagine what effect a boy going to school with nails painted pink or wearing a dress would do. Unfortunate as it is

#29 Cathy

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Posted 05 August 2012 - 06:44 PM

I don't see the problem here. Its a kid being a kid. My boys liked to wear nail polish, usually only on one finger, they've had their hair in ponytails courtesy of their older sister. she's dressed them in skirts and jewellry and you know what??? My boys laughed about it. they loved it. My eldest son is a huge drama queen, worse than his sister. Does it mean anything. nope just him growing up. I would say it's a faze if anything. This is the problem these days, people are quick to label everyone. If you take anything form these posts i hope that you can tell your friend that he's a kid. Let him be one. They grow up way too fast.

#30 Tired Mom

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Posted 08 August 2012 - 09:24 PM






He also finds it hilarious when his older sister dressed him up, and is bummed out that I won't give him pink or purple nails (which is where I draw the line, not because I care about his nails painted - but because I will not have my son get picked on.)


Before people go hating on the parents, I think they do need to look at the motive behind the parents' actions. Is it because they are worried their son will be gay or is it because they are worried he will get picked on? I don't care if ds wears nailpolish around the house, but if he was in school, in Gr. 5 I would not let him go to school with nailpolish on because kids are already cruel enough so I don't need him being picked on for wearing nailpolish. If I had a boy that loved wearing dresses I wouldn't care about him wearing them around the house, but I wouldn't have him wearing a dress to school. If there were very real gender issues, I'd actually lean more toward letting my son choose a new name and live as a girl before I would send him to school, enrolled as a boy, but wearing a dress, carrying a purse, wearing lipstick, etc.

Now if they are just paranoid their son will turn out gay if he carries a purse or wears high heels and won't let him be how he wants to be in his own house, with the people that should love him and accept him as he is, then that is really sad. He may actually just like to play with dresses and dolls and it has nothing to do with his sexuality, but by turning it into an issue they may give him self-esteem and sexuality confusion issues.


This is exactly it. It has nothing to do with the parents or anyone else being a homophobe and not wanting him to be gay. Both parents have gay family members that are accepted and loved. It has EVERYTHING to do with him wanting to be a girl and dressing in girly ways. Do they let him live his life as a girl completely or continue to allow him to dress as a girl at home and then a boy in public??? Wouldn't that be confusing to the poor child? Either one would be confusing for all involved. That and having different rules at different homes makes this situation very hard to deal with.

haha. The good ol' "we aren't homophobes! we have gay friends! lines. Now THAT is laughable.
I do not understand how the family having friends who are members of the LGBTQ community means they *MUST* be accepting of their child. O.o
The people they associate has nothing to do with the fears, concerns or gender stereotyping they are doing and may have with their own child.
Many people can't wrap their head around GID or gender fluidity. But societies refusal to see out side of gender norms is killing children.
Maybe it is because I am part of the LGBTQ community & a huge trans advocate, but i really see no issue with a boy wearing a dress to school, or a little girl shaving her head, or whatever other gender role you want to throw in there. Sure kids are cruel, but those same kids are going to be just as cruel when the child comes out. Sure they will be teased, but if it isn't for the dress he is wearing, it will be for something else. Everyone gets teased and bullied. Is it right? No. But it happens.
I would want my child to feel loved and accepted for whoever they are regardless of what everyone else thinks & I would start that as early as possible.


Enough, really!

That response is just as type casting as what you are arguing against!

Don't tell me a little boy very interested in girls romantically needs to be hung out to dry with his peers because he likes some stuff that is viewed to be girly! I find the toughen him up because someone thinks he's gay and will have to come out eventually attitude a$$ backwards. It's bad enough that those who are gay have to go through it.

What it looks like you glossed over was his reaction to homosexuality, when in its company and his lack of questions. It doesn't even occur to him to realize there are female-female/male-male relationships! he has no qualms asking questions on things that interest him, and saying from the rooftops when he likes something. But here he's clueless!

Seriously, I'm not going to martyr my kid for a cause that he hasn't subscribed to! If he finds himself there, we'll help him through it then. In the mean time, its not something relevant to him.

Labels can be wrongly applied in more than one direction.

Also, in case you missed it again, friends I have had nothing to do with my post. The ONLY reason it was mentioned was ds's reaction and complete lack of idea of anyone being interested in their same sex.

dude, I think there is some confusion going on.
I wasn't directing my post at you. Your post just ended up in the pile of quotes. In fact until just now, I didn't read it beyond what was quoted.
I get what you are saying about your kid. you feel like he will be made fun of because his nails are painted, and to avoid that you don't let him paint his nails? right? If so, I get it & i respect it. you are doing what you feel is best for your kid.
IMO, the reality is that every kid will be made fun of for something & i believe in preparing kids for that so they can come out a lot stronger and with more grace than most of us did.

My opinion isn't about the OP friend's kid being gay or trans, it is about gender stereotyping & how the "No, you cant do this because you might get made fun of" situation just doesn't sit right with me.


I'm sorry.

#31 unicycle_mike

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Posted 08 August 2012 - 09:54 PM

Honestly, if my son wants to wear a dress to school he will. I don't subscribe to the "kids can be cruel" thing. Wanna know why they're cruel? Because theyre expected to be... Because everyone is afraid of the reactions they may get and don't expose these kids to anything different. When everyone looks and acts the same, everyone is afraid to stick out and be different. When DS goes to kindergarten this year he'll be told he can wear what he wants, and that while others may make fun of you, their opinion should never shape who you are and what you want to do... And why? Because they aren't a part of who you are. They will come and go, but you have to live with yourself everyday, so why not enjoy who you are? The people worth caring about, will care about you and who you really are, not the fake you that you put on to make them happy. Not the clothes you wear or the toys you have.
These are the values we choose to instill in our child... and I refuse to let him be part of the problem, or scared into not being who he is by those that are the problem.

#32 Lasergirl

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Posted 08 August 2012 - 10:03 PM

Honestly, if my son wants to wear a dress to school he will. I don't subscribe to the "kids can be cruel" thing. Wanna know why they're cruel? Because theyre expected to be... Because everyone is afraid of the reactions they may get and don't expose these kids to anything different. When everyone looks and acts the same, everyone is afraid to stick out and be different. When DS goes to kindergarten this year he'll be told he can wear what he wants, and that while others may make fun of you, their opinion should never shape who you are and what you want to do... And why? Because they aren't a part of who you are. They will come and go, but you have to live with yourself everyday, so why not enjoy who you are? The people worth caring about, will care about you and who you really are, not the fake you that you put on to make them happy. Not the clothes you wear or the toys you have.
These are the values we choose to instill in our child... and I refuse to let him be part of the problem, or scared into not being who he is by those that are the problem.


Perfectly put!