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I have a dilemma


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#1 moosemom

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 07:00 PM

My son has a friend from our old house here in Green Bay. He is in a single parent household, so I offered to help Mom when I could – like picking him up from school, taking him to band practice, etc. Well, we moved across town in April, which makes traveling to run “errands” for her a lot more costly and time consuming. She has never offered gas money.

 

Now she is being evicted from her apartment because she was on medical leave, the money from the insurance company wasn’t coming in on time, so she got behind and the apartment complex Landlord wouldn’t work with her. She has a new job, just started last week, had the court date with the Landlord on yesterday and didn’t go. She doesn’t know when she has to be out of the Apartment. She had a possible living situation, but that feel through. In previous conversations, she knows that our upstairs neighbor is going to be going through an eviction process as well. The Mom needs a place to store her stuff and asked me about where I keep my stuff. Now she expects me to contact the Owner to find out if has space available, as well as contacting my Landlord to see what the possibility of renting our upstairs is.

 

I don’t want them on the streets, but frankly, I am tired of her always “using” me to do her stuff. I am not “friends” with this Mom, but I am friendly with her. There have been times when I have gotten the vibe when talking with her that she “tolerates” me being there.

 

Also, there is a Renaissance Fair this weekend and for the 1st time in as far back as I cannot remember … my husband has agreed to go with me and the boys to something as a family. When I saw her today she made mention that she would need our help this weekend to move. Had I not seen her today picking up my oldest, I wonder when she would have “asked” me for help. Granted, I did volunteer to help her move, I just thought she would have given us a time frame like saying “Hey, if your offer is still good, would be great if you could help move us this weekend”.

 

So my dilemma is: 1) Do I ask for gas money considering she is going to be “homeless”? 2) Do I let her know that we can help her move on Saturday after my husband gets off of work, but we can’t on Sunday? 3) Do I call the storage place and my Landlord to ask the questions she should be asking?

 

IF you actually got to the questions …. WOW – Thank You ! ! !  I do NOT need any debates, I just need some rational scenarios for help.

 

 



#2 Mama2Gracie

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 07:14 PM

I know there's not a mean bone in your body but you're going to have to find one. Tell her straight up you didn't hear from her so you made plans. Your family comes first

#3 LisaP

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Posted 11 September 2013 - 10:40 PM

You deserve a day with your family, with the boys getting older family days will be fewer and fewer. I agree with Mama2Gracie that you should tell her sorry you didn't know she was moving this weekend and that you have plans on Sunday but would be happy to help her on Saturday afternoon. I don't see why it should take 2 days to move unless she expects you to pack everything.  As for the storage and the rental, tell her "here are the phone numbers you asked me to get for you" and let her deal with it, it's hard to do that type of thing with a 3rd party anyway. 
I would be kind of worried about her living upstairs from you... too close for comfort. If she has you on the run now it would probably be worse if she lived in the same house. You also don't want to "recommend" her if she is not going to be able to pay her rent, it will give you a bad relationship with your landlord. 
If you have ever listened to Dr. Joy Brown on the radio she always says to "act stupid and cheerful." If in doubt, try it out.
Good luck!!



#4 mom2nico

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 03:01 AM

I agree totally with LisaP and just wanted to say that I love the Dr. Joy Brown reference. That's exactly what she'd say!

#5 Trea

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 09:05 AM

I agree with the others for sure. Good luck. I know it is not an easy thing to deal with.

 

One way to "handle" her also is to tell her that "if you do get evicted I don't want to see your son on the streets. I'd be willing to let him stay with us until you get things taken care of and somewhere else to live". (as long as you are willing to keep her son for a bit that is). Make it clear that he is welcome, you are willing to continue to help her son, but, she is on her own. A little passive aggressive though. LOL



#6 momand2kidz

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 09:18 AM

Thats tough..but I think you might have to be tougher.People like that keep taking and taking and taking. It's exhausting and not a good situation to be in. Sounds like she has become very dependant on you and your kindness. I personally wouldn't get involved in the Landlord issues. Provide her with numbers and contacts if she needs but other than that no. If you can help her move for an hour or two, than you can, if you can't then you can't.And don't feel bad about it either. She should have given you notice. Its your family time and that comes first.As for gas money..probably not right now but do make mention to her that when she does get settled and back on her feet that helping out with gas would be appreciated..Cause we all know it ain't cheap! Good Luck!

#7 moosemom

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 12:19 PM

THANK YOU ! ! !

 

I was just trying to help her out, being a single Mom and them living literally right next door. But like I said, now that we are farther away, it is harder for me to run from here to there. I could see if I was in that area, but there are times I am clear across town.

 

I don't have to worry about the storage, because my husband let me know that he has no space open. He just happened to be talking with the owner the other day and he was saying how this is the first time he has been completely full and has contracts through until next year.

 

As for the Landlord and living above me ... it won't be happening. I agree with all of you in that if I am running now, what will it be like IF they were upstairs. We did have her son stay with us for a couple of days when she was in the hospital trying to get her migraines under control and that was not a fun thing at all. I had a 16, 15, and 14 year old in the house. Her son is non-stop Call of Duty, which my husband plays, but doesn't eat, sleep, and breath like this kid does. If he were upstairs, my husband would get no piece and what little TV time I do get would not be there.

 

As for our weekend ... it is mine ! ! !  My husband has NEVER done anything like this with us as a family and this is one thing I am not losing.

 

:thankyou2  AGAIN for all your input <3



#8 LisaP

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Posted 12 September 2013 - 09:16 PM

I hope you have a wonderful, well deserved weekend with your family. You are so generous to everyone else it is great that you are taking the time to do something that you enjoy and that your family will be with you. Have fun and don't feel guilty for one second.



#9 emmsmama

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Posted 14 September 2013 - 05:44 PM

I have a hard time saying no too, but it sounds like she is going way overboard and taking advantage of your kindness.  I'm glad you decided to spend the weekend with your family and as far as driving her son around, I would tell her that you can't anymore because you are across town now, unless she can help you out with gas costs.  It's still taking up your time to drive to go and get him and she should appreciate that.  I know it's also difficult because you don't want your son to miss out on time hanging out with his friend, and once in a while I wouldn't ask her for $$ for, but if it's a regular thing I don't think it's unreasonable at all.



#10 Michaels Mommy

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Posted 18 September 2013 - 02:20 PM

A helping hand is just that and without appreciation I wouldn't continue to bend over backwards for her yes she is going through arough patch but its not your fault your family should come first and your kids are getting older so these family moments are going to get even fewer and further between so help on your terms not hers lots of hugs

#11 moosemom

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Posted 19 September 2013 - 12:15 PM

Well, we had a good weekend - unfortunately it rained so our plans were canceled - but we stayed home and did things together. We had planned on going to the local Renaissance Faire, but it is at the County Fair Grounds and with the rain aka mud - not a good idea.

 

I did tell her that I wouldn't be able to help her move, that the rental place had no space, and that the upstairs tenant still was living there until the Police moved her out, so that was all I could do and the response I got was a simple "ok". Then she called to ask me to help her move into the storage unit she found, but she still hadn't packed up her apartment yet. She only had 72 hours and nothing had been packed ! ! !  She was told almost a month ago that she was being taken to court and evicted and she still hadn't started packing (grrr). When me and my boys got there after school on Tuesday, we had 3/4 of her apartment moved to the garage within 45 minutes ! ! !  Had she been packed, we would have moved her whole apartment in under 2 hours.  My kids were awesome, didn't complain about helping, and are now experts at moving - LOL - not something that I want them to be experts at, but unfortunately they are.  Telling her that my husband had to work was a total lie and that me and the kids could only help one day was a lie also, but she wasn't ready .... which irked me to no end.

 

Thank You again everyone ....